Codependency and narcissism are at epidemic levels now. Teal Swan says that 90% of all relationships are codependent/narcissist. Which as someone who has been dating and in the dating scene for many years right now, I fully believe. Even though i myself have been a severe codependent (getting better!), and I will attract the physical match to my wounds, and so it makes sense that I am attracting narcissists over and over again – it is very clear to me that there is something deeply wrong with society. I can see it through my own experiences and those of everyone around me.
Simply look at the dysfunction that is online dating. Now, when I was in Florida, it was very difficult to meet people. You’d go to work all week, perhaps go to the gym in the evenings. Everyone lived very far apart and so you didn’t even see anyone during the week. Then on the weekends, the only options were to get together to go drink and party, or go to the beach and drink and party. It was a really lonely, isolationist culture. No one in Florida uses Meetup. The only way I could meet any guys was to go out to bars and clubs, which we know how that is for meeting people. So I spent many years disillusioned about dating and the dating scene and I turned to the internet for meeting people. I have tried all of the various sites, for years. Mind you, I was in really bad borderline hell for many years and not in a good place. But that is exactly what I mean. In all honesty, 95-99% of people who are doing the online dating thing have some sort of severe mental illness or emotional thing going on. This might upset some people to hear that, but it’s totally the truth. I could practically write a book about all of the experiences I had with online dating. But online dating is simply a mirror of the society as a whole. It’s not just the people who are online, although I do feel a lot of them are more likely to be more mentally ill. I myself am on Tinder and check it from time to time, in the hopes maybe I’ll meet someone cool. Everyone is online now. It’s simply a tool that nearly every person has tried out for dating. I have met some good people on there, for sure. But overall, it’s a reflection of the deep dysfunction that we are as a society.
Look at the profiles. Now, this may not be something that someone would notice that was deeply entrenched in the society we live in. As someone who the blinders have been completely pulled off, I can easily see the deep dysfunction. The deep dysfunction I myself lived in and was a part of. It’s no one’s fault. But it is a representation of a society gone awry.
Just take a step back and look objectively at the profiles. I’ve spoken to a male friend about this. He says that only 5% of guys who look like models are getting any “play” off of Tinder or other dating apps, and that all the other guys are just getting ignored. That the ones that display narcissism and are “playing a game” are the ones that get lots of girls and are “killing it”. If you think about it, this makes a lot of sense. The whole model is completely fake. Just look at the male profiles, if you’re a female and think logically about this. A lot of the male profiles are posturing in some way. They will have a picture with a puppy. A picture with a hot car, whether it’s theirs or not. A picture without a shirt. A picture with other hot women or other hot men (the bros). A picture with a beer or a drink in their hand. A picture at a sporting event. A professional portrait where they look “accomplished”. Perhaps a picture of them in a large and expensive home. A modeling picture. A picture of them in an exotic locale. Depending on what type of person they are, they may be showing off in whatever respective way they would. If they were in a band, there might be a picture of them onstage. Their could be a picture of them cooking if they’re a chef. A lot of the pictures seem innocent. But then, how many profiles have these pictures which show evidence of some kind of posturing?
The same could be said for the females’ pictures. A picture with their cleavage showing. A picture with them posing in a mirror. A picture of them looking sexy in some way, partying, traveling, drinking. Not everyone has these types of pictures up but if you just wake up to the level of brainwashing that has been going on in this society it becomes easy to see what I’m trying to point out. The vast majority are posturing, and in a ridiculously overt way.
Based on conversations I’ve had with my friend, who is an expert on this stuff and has been studying all sorts of things for 30 years…women may be surprised to hear that only around 5% of men on Tinder are getting any replies or action at all, and the rest are getting nowhere. That guys are paying “pickup artists” to teach them how to essentially trick women into being attracted to them and having sex with them. But this isn’t something that’s just innocently happening here or there. If you speak to guys the way that men speak to each other, if you were a fly on the wall listening to their conversations – as a woman you would be completely disgusted. Their every means to an end is to attract a girl to have sex with. The vast majority of them.
But they are honestly being “forced’ to do it in an inauthentic way. They are being forced to posture about their looks, their car, their profession, their job. If you think about it, women hold men to impossibly high standards and don’t even want to go anywhere near men with a ten foot pole if they don’t “have their shit together”, aren’t successful, aren’t good-looking, aren’t Christian Grey. If you really think about it, women’s expectations have created these monsters. These fake automatrons who have to pretend to be a certain way or they ain’t ever getting laid.
What would you do if you were a man? Apparently women are getting harder and harder to have sex with (me included lol and all of us for very excellent reasons). But men ultimately want sex and they also want to meet women to date and be in love with, some of them. And they simply will not be seen unless they engage in these ridiculous societal posturing or unless they mold themselves to be exactly what women “want”.
Think about that for a minute. Think about the crushing pressure we are putting on our men to be a certain way. To have a college degree or further level of education. To work for a tony law firm or financial firm or to be engineers, doctors, or other “respectable” profession. Some girls may love guys in bands. Whatever the case may be. Women are quite literally forcing the creation of a robot race of men who have to be one of a certain category (and there’s only several), for them to go anywhere near them. We are killing our men. We are creating a race of robotoids that all look, think, act and feel the same way. As a woman, just think about that for a moment. Think about your siblings, or your brothers or male friends. Think about how much you love them. And then think about the pain and the suffering they must be going through to have to be one of these “models”. They are simply a model. And I don’t mean like Tyson Beckford I mean like model A, B, or C. Robots. Drones. Androids. We live in a society of androids and nobody even notices it.
The women don’t have it any easier. We are taught the exact same things. The way we create ourselves and present ourselves is always playing up to our best “god-given” features, starting primarily with looks. So we go to the gym, put on makeup. Buy the nicest, most expensive clothes and name brands. We attempt to look hot all the time and we take selfies in bathroom mirrors and post those online. And all of this is seen as normal. Think about it. It’s completely sick.
Women too are forced to be whatever men want them to be, primarily hot. That’s followed by being cute, sexy, flirty. Being a “housewife” type. Or being an accomplished type with degrees, a good job. An independent woman. Whatever it is. Just look all around you and step outside of the veil of reality. Take a look at all of the people around you and tell me if they are becoming more and more alike each other or more and more unlike each other. Some are becoming unlike, the ones who are stepping outside of the matrix. But the vast majority are simply robots. They’re simply models. This isn’t to upset anyone. It’s to get people to see what is actually happening here. We are not truly free. We’re just a bunch of models. I was one of those models for at least 10 years. I was totally miserable, even though I was trying to pretend to myself that I enjoyed this lifestyle. I would go out and get blackout drunk every weekend as I partied in Fort Lauderdale and South Beach. I went to all of the “VIP” clubs and “popped bottles”. Are you serious? Are you really serious? Come on now. We are better than this.
I was addicted to shopping. I went shopping all the time to fill the black hole within me. I spent all my time outside of work focused on looking as hot as possible. It was like a hobby for me. I convinced myself that my hobby was looking hot. Don’t ask me how I managed to do that. That’s what happens when you’re under the extreme stress of living in a fake society. I was always weird and different from others. I was told at a young age by my father, “why would you want to be different from everyone else? Why would you want to stand out?” This etched in my mind. I dressed as a young child in the same outfit every day, I wore jean shorts with patches on them that went down to my knees, a pink pleather belt, a blue t-shirt with a pocket, and an indian headband and white keds. That was me. I was forced to dress in ridiculous orange jumpers and other “cute” clothes as a child. When I was 14, my dad and my stepmom took me to buy bathing suits and encouraged me to buy the sexiest one pieces and thong bikinis there were. I was absolutely horrified and mortified. I did not want to wear these things and fought against it. I was “allowed” to wear a boy short bikini. These people are sick. They’re brainwashed to tell their children to be sexy. Although, growing up in South Florida, this is how everyone is. Everything is about sex and looking as hot as humanly possible.
When I was about 16 my mom and I moved from Miami to Boca Raton. I was introduced to yet another sick money-obsessed culture. I had a neighbor, Skyler. She was 14 and beautiful. She dressed very sexy and encouraged me to look hot too. I could tell she was really like me; her true soul was not like this. But she also became this fake, manufactured drone to please Boca Raton high society. To fit in. Neither of our families had money. We both had single moms for parents. But she taught me how to dress, how to look sexy, and the rest was history. I spent the next ten to fifteen years living this lie. Stealing tons of clothes from the mall. Always focused on outfits and looking hot. it was pathetic and sad, looking back. I was just trying to be what society wanted me to be.
I became a huge party girl. i was driving to South Beach at 16 every weekend and partying in clubs. I took a hiatus from partying when I went to college and focused on school completely, but once I was out and had a career as a financial analyst, I was back in South Florida. I would go out every single Friday and Saturday and drink. I didn’t even like to drink. I just did it because everyone else was. To be honest, the only happiness I got in life was looking as hot as I possibly could and getting attention from men. That and my yearly trips to Europe with my two weeks of vacation. The rest was just work, working out, and barely existing. I wasn’t existing. I was a drone. A model. This lifestyle, this way of being nearly killed me. I began isolating all the time except for my partying. I was really sick but didn’t know why. This is the society we live in. Now, I was in an extreme pocket in South Florida. But a lot of people can identify with some piece of what I am saying. Millions and millions of people go to work at corporate jobs every day. There’s no way out of these careers. They suck your soul from you.
The reason why narcissism and codependency has been able to rise as an epidemic, right under our very noses, is because society has been structured in a way to break people. To push them to their absolute limits of sanity. The celebrities who post selfies and belfies are simply a representation of what we should aspire to be. The Kanye Wests of the world, who make money and wear diamonds, get the Kim Kardashians of the world. That is the message that is drilled into our minds over and over again by media. We’ve lost who we truly are. We have lost touch with our souls.
Once people are weakened to this state, it’s very easy for viruses like wetiko to take over. Wetiko, along with the rampant childhood trauma, abuse, and sexual abuse which is incredibly rampant (and at levels no one can even comprehend), has taken over humanity. The conditions are ripe for sociopathy, codependency, and narcissism to run rampant. They just are. Many people are barely coping, whether they are consciously aware of it or not. I was completely brainwashed. I actually thought that this was a normal way of living. I did whatever I had to do to fit in and be like everyone else, but it was completely and totally unconscious. I had no idea I was doing it. Just think about it. Think about a completely different society. Because technically, anything could be “normal” if society told us it was. We could all be shoveling marshmallows in a field from 6 am to 10 pm at night if everyone around us was shoveling marshmallows. We could all take a break at lunch to compare our large and small marshmallows and engage in contests to see who had eaten the most marshmallows while bending over in the field. We could then choose mates based upon how many marshmallows the opposite sex buried in a bowl that they floated down the river.
What people don’t even recognize is that we already live in an Orwellian society. One that is completely controlled by propaganda and that uses every tool imaginable to exploit the vulnerabilities of human psychology.
The reason why narcissism and codependency are epidemic right now is because we keep plugging away, forever consumed by the distractions all around us. The news, the politicians, the “causes” that are actually divide and conquer methodologies, the celebrity culture. Every single person is a victim to some form of mind control in some way, whether they think it or not. These are programs. They’re actual programs that are installed in our minds as children using Disney movies and television. We’re programmed by schools and well-meaning family members who are simply depositing their own programs into us. When we are under the influence of mass programming, we lose our complete identity. We are literally puppets that have been made to do all of the most painful things to each other.
Who wants to be with a woman who expects them to save them, who expects the man to provide this lifestyle for her. A diamond ring, a wedding, simply so she can fit in with all of the other women around her. The cars, the clothes, the homes. We literally have completely destroyed our men. Completely and totally. I was one of those women. I looked for a rich, hot husband. As if that even existed. I was so completely brainwashed by society that I believed I was essentially worthless if I couldn’t produce that type of lifestyle for myself. If I couldn’t find a soulmate who I experienced intense love and sex with, who was rich, and who also looked like a model, I was a failure. And that’s literally what I was trying to do! That’s exactly the type of man I was looking for! No wonder I was alone! But we all look for these same things to some degree.
Until women change what they want in a man, the men will not change. Women hold the key here way more than men do. We actually have way more power and control in the situation than we think we do. It’s not them that’s the problem. It’s us. If you are a woman who expects anything from a man other than him finding his divine right calling and his divine purpose, his absolute reason for being – you are the problem. It took me a really long time to see that. I was so heavily brainwashed for so long that I completely lost any sense of common sense, normalcy, and human decency. But this is not that uncommon. Many women are like this. Many, many women in the corporate world expect this of their men. They expect the diamond ring, the ridiculous wedding that is simply a show of wealth and prosperity, the house, the picket fence, the dog and the 2.5 kids. I was that woman. I have been completely woken up to the levels of programming I underwent to become that person. It wasn’t fair what happened to me. And it’s not fair to you.
Men play their own role in perpetuating this system, although I would say women have more control over it because let’s be honest, women hold the key to the sex. We may think we’re totally powerless, but we have the one thing men are really looking for and need. You can lie to yourself all you want about this but spend some time listening to men talk to their male friends and you’ll discover just how much effort and acrobatics goes into getting sex from a woman. Or even marrying one and creating a family. There are many nice men out there who simply want nothing more than a beautiful wife and family. And those men, especially if they don’t look like models, have to create every other piece of the puzzle in order to attract and keep a wife. It’s honestly really sad what we do to our men. People say this is a patriarchal culture but I see deep submission of men.
The part men play in perpetuating this system is the way they abuse and mistreat women. Since I had all this childhood trauma that I was completely unaware of, I was only interested in bad men. I was not interested in nice men who would treat me well. This, again, isn’t my fault. It’s the result of trauma that caused me to create these patterns over and over again of attracting narcissists and sociopaths that treated me terribly. But men are just as to blame. They have become so angry and bitter at the lives that they are forced to live to please women, that many of them treat women like shit. This is becoming more and more epidemic. Guys think it’s “cool” to be assholes. Talk to any group of guys and you can find out that this is actually a tactic that they use to get girls. They’ve been trained to be assholes because women actually like it! Women actually love men who treat them like shit. I did. I loved it. I loved only men who treated me terribly. But this goes back to childhood abuse; it is all rooted in childhood abuse. As a man, it is your responsibility to recognize that women don’t actually like to be treated like shit, but that if they accept bad treatment, they were abused as children, or brainwashed to like bad treatment due to low self-esteem, or deep feelings of unworthiness. If you laugh at these women, and take advantage of them, you are part of the problem. You are just as bad as those gold digging hos you hate so much. You are taking advantage of deeply hurt women who have yet to recognize their patterns.
The responsibility goes to both sexes to recognize the programming and the brainwash. To say, “No. I refuse to engage in or be a part of that societal expectation or programming. I’m going to do the right thing and recognize that this is something that was taught to me but it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s right.” It’s none of our faults that we’ve been brainwashed because it’s on both sides. But it’s now our responsibility as humans to refuse to be a part of that dogma. We are all equal players. I’m not perfect but I refuse to buy into society’s sick ideas of what a successful woman looks like. I have stopped expecting men to save me. I have completely abandoned and given up on the idea of marriage, children, a ring, a wedding. Not because I don’t inherently want for some of those things but because I recognize that I’m part of the problem if I keep demanding all of that from men. It’s simply completely unrealistic. it’s a fantasy that we’ve all been fed to believe. I have a desire for deep partnership and a child one day. Which are normal desires and wants. But i have lost interest completely in all of the other b.s. And I’m also doing my best to get whole on my own so I don’t feel the need to have certain things to be a complete person. None of it is real.
It might seem basic but these are the basic underpinnings of why society is now pandemic with narcissism and codependency. It’s basic stuff. It comes down to how people treat each other and how they are buying into these fabrications of false realities. Once we awaken from the dream, we can no longer be controlled by it.
It also has to do with the deep level of trauma that many people on Earth have endured. I’m not sure if people realize it but I believe 30-50% of people have been sexually abused. This is an epidemic going on behind closed doors. Since it’s not often talked about, people don’t realize just how many others have gone through it. And due to the extreme levels of dissociation that we as humans are trained to do (we dissociate from reality completely by engaging in fake dynamics within society), it would not be difficult to imagine that there could be many who have repressed it.
The only way we can fix this pandemic is by fixing ourselves. There is no other way. We simply attract the matches to our wounds in our relationships. It’s quite literally physics. If we’re attracting bad people, it isn’t our fault but we have to go within ourselves to look at the wounds within us that need healing. Many people are waking up to this fact after many years of failed relationships. It is not our faults that we’ve gone through this. We’re simply a product of something outside of ourselves. The answers to why we’ve suffered so much haven’t been available for many years. But now they are. And now we must take responsibility for ourselves and our own lives, our own being. I do not expect to have any successful relationship until I’ve gotten through more healing. To expect anyone to be able to deal with my dysfunction right now would simply be to lie to myself. I’m way, way better than I used to be and I commend myself all the time for how far I’ve come. I know i’m a changed person. But I know i have more work to do.
What if everyone just stopped looking for love and completion outside of themselves for one year, two years and focused on nothing but themselves? Just theoretically. What could happen? What could happen if we gave up completely, collectively, on nonsense and looked within ourselves? Could we be out of this mess in a short two years? Yes we could. We could if people took their self-healing seriously. I know that’s not for everyone and that’s not how things work but there is something to be said for just being alone and working on yourself. It not only takes a lot of bravery but it also takes someone who is wise enough to see that they’re not only continuing to create the same circumstances over and over for themselves, but they are actually hurting themselves and digging themselves further into a hole by continuing to get hurt by others. Others that are equally as sick and who are not doing the work. It’s no one’s fault.
We’ve all been deeply lied to. But it is our responsibility now to say, enough is enough. I am not going to be part of the problem any longer. I’m not going to bend to society’s expectations of me simply because I’m a 35 year-old woman who “should be married” with babies right now. I honestly don’t give a fuck what society or anyone thinks about me. I’m 35, single, and I have zero guilt or shame about that. In fact, I’m super happy I have woken up to the complete bullshit I’ve been fed my entire life. I consider myself to be lucky as hell that I didn’t have kids yet, that I never got married. That I have a chance to get the hell out of this system.
Whatever stage you’re in, whatever circumstances are in your life – whether you have children, whether you’re married, divorced, single, 20, 40, or 70, it doesn’t matter. We’re all in the same boat fighting the same battles together. We need each other to survive but we also need ourselves. We really need ourselves right now. Be your own hero and say, enough is enough. I will no longer engage in Orwellian constructs of what I should and shouldn’t be. I love myself enough to stop looking for endless solutions outside of myself and to take a look in the mirror at the person staring back at me. I promise you it isn’t them you need, it’s yourself. If there is one thing I have learned in this lifetime after everything I’ve been through, it’s that there is no one and nothing I need more than myself. It’s not simple to love yourself and remember yourself when you’ve been desensitized the way we have. It takes a lot, a lot of hard work. But it’s the only way. The truth simply is, we contain everything within ourselves that we need, The more self-work I do, especially inner child work – the less i need things outside of myself, the more whole I feel.
That’s not to say that I don’t need other people and I don’t need love and a relationship, I do. But I’m no longer so desperate for it like I used to be. I have a purpose other than being a wife, or a mom, or a whatever. I have a life purpose that gives me some kind of meaning outside of all of the societal constructs. The universe will bring you your highest possibility, your highest intention, once you’ve done all of the hard inner work. It will continue to bring you rewards and endless opportunities the more of this work you do on yourself.
You will be rewarded for being brave. For taking the steps to change your life completely. The universe rewards those who take big risks. It rewards those who refuse to be anything other than what they truly are. If you’ve been through trauma, and you take the steps to heal yourself of that trauma – I can promise you that you will see absolute magic enter your life. You will see your life manifest into something that can only be described as a dream. A dream love, a dream partnership. A dream career, financial success and prosperity. A reason for being. Isn’t that what we all want? Just to help others, be ourselves, have love? To have a reason for being, a purpose? It’s really simple when you really think about it. We just have to be brave enough to say:
Enough is enough. I am strong. I am a warrior. I will get through every battle, until I win the war. Nothing is stronger outside of me. I am God, I am the universe. I am the cosmos. Everything is contained within my being and I have the absolute power to change my life in every way I ever thought imaginable. I will survive, I will prevail. I am my own hero.
You are the creator of your own reality. Be an involutionary. Be your own hero, starting today. And get ready for the magic to happen ;).