A lot of people have the perception that people with BPD are psychopaths. This is reinforced by movies like Girl, Interrupted and by highly sensationalized criminal cases such as the Jodi Arias case.
It is true that the most severe cases of BPD or other “personality disorders” can result in crimes and severe behavior. However, these crimes are combined with psychopathic tendencies and a lack of empathy, The fact of the matter, though, is that this disorder is highly misunderstood by therapists, psychiatrists, and the general public.
Many people with BPD drop out of therapy because it simply is not effective. I had a therapist for several years and the talk therapy kept me alive, but there was no more than 20 minutes spent on my childhood when I spent hundreds of hours over three years with this therapist. The childhood trauma is absolutely 100% the cause of BPD. It is not chemical imbalance as some suggest. The predilection for getting BPD, and the reason that it is in the DNA, is because typically the abuse is passed down generation to generation, where it gets “stored” in the DNA. The ability to dissociate is stored in the DNA. A person who has borderline parents or a parent is therefore more susceptible to dissociation or to borderline behaviors; however, it is always trauma that ignites this disorder. The trauma in childhood cements the behaviors. Repeated relationship trauma due to attracting others with personality disorders reinforces and exacerbates the condition.
All BPDs have childhood trauma. I am tired of hearing the crap in the DSM, and from whatever “experts” who claim to understand BPD but don’t even have it themselves. It took me years of my own trials and error to come to an understanding of why I was sick and why I wasn’t getting better.
I discovered repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse. I knew of other emotional abuse but my extreme disorder did not really make sense with the amount of abuse I remembered. I eventually recovered lots of memories using shadow work and finally, it made so much sense why I was this sick.
People have the completely wrong perception of those with BPD, and it keeps many of us hidden behind the shadows. People with BPD are the most highly gifted intuitive empaths. They are excellent healers because they acutely feel the pain and suffering of others, and so they go to the ends of the earth to help their clients and themselves heal from trauma. Many empaths are born into dysfunctional families with genetic lines of abuse. They come in to break these genetic lines. It’s always the most pure souls and spirits that do this work because they feel the suffering of the universe. They make huge sacrifices to undergo extreme abuse in order to be the ones to break the genetic lines, even though they are so sensitive and know they will have extreme reactions to it. They typically have many past lives as healers, angels, shamans, and typically come from higher densities than Earth. Because of their high- density background and empathy, they have more severe reactions to the abuse they undergo than others might. Due to their extreme sensitivity, they know that they will become incapacitated due to the trauma and will “seek” solutions for it. They pave the way in mental health professions, and in emotional healing and energy healing. They are the ones making the breakthroughs in these fields. Case in point, Marsha Linehan.
It is true that many people with BPD struggle with relationships. I have struggled with them all my life. The struggle is not just due only to my own personal illness but due to the fact that those with wounds will continue to attract the match to their wounds until they resolve them. So, a person with BPD may attract a series of narcissists, sociopaths, or other BPDs before they recognize that something is amiss. They may have seriously traumatizing, abusive relationships that further deepen their trauma. That is what happened to me. I wasn’t even that borderline until I had a relationship with someone who had it, and it was very toxic. He ignited my own illness that was not really displaying itself up until that point. It usually takes a severe circumstance before someone who unknowingly has BPD will seek. They may find an article about narcissism and have an aha moment. I remember googling and finding articles that described my ex to a T. I thought I was hallucinating when I was reading these articles. I had no idea that these behaviors were part of something called “personality disorders”. I was diagnosed after I entered therapy for that toxic relationship.
It’s been years since I’ve been diagnosed but that doesn’t mean I’m no longer attracting toxic people. In fact, it’s intensified. The universe will bring you the physical mirror match to your wounds until you address them and heal them. Even though I do tons of shadow work, I’m still attracting toxic people. This isn’t a sign that I’m not doing the work or doing well. The people who are coming into my life are simply more and more sophisticated and advanced narcissists, if that makes any sense. They are completely unaware of their own tendencies, or perhaps my behavior is igniting them. Either way, we are all constantly mirrors for each other. The universe will keep testing you and putting these people in front of you until you heed the red flags and walk away. Every time you ignore the red flags, or compromise, another will be sent. It’s just the way it works. Wounds will keep revealing themselves until they get healed. It can be brutal. You can heal one wound, and then another will be sent to heal another. And this can go on and on until everything has been healed. Unfortunately, the abuses and the traumatic incidences are triggers that have to be shown to us so we heal each one, one at a time. The relationship I had last year pulled up one big trauma for resolution. And there’s been one after the other. Don’t give up and don’t give up hope if they keep coming. Keep doing your shadow work. It’s a process.
It is true that people who have BPD and who are either undiagnosed or who are not doing lots of shadow work can become malignant. Truth be told, this is usually after they suffer countless abuses at the hands of others. I would say that most BPDs have hearts of gold and are some of the most loving people you will every meet. However, some act out when they can no longer handle what life is bringing to them. It is honestly like being in a war your whole life. I understand why people snap. I have somehow managed to stay a codependent only until this last year where I had more severe attacks by narcissists. Then I found myself shutting down and doing a bit of switching. The key is to stay aware. Aware of the people coming into our lives. Aware of all of the narcissist and personality disorder behaviors. We have to be super experts in this stuff or we can be really hurt. It really is that simple. Is it any wonder that the BPDs of the world are changing the game? That they are going to help others overcome what they have been through?
BPDs are so sensitive and so loving. They do not understand the Earthly dynamics where people use each other for short-term gratifications such as sex or temporary conveniences. They frequently do not want to be in relationships unless they are very fulfilling soulmate relationships. They seek passionate love and connection with others.
They frequently have to be alone most of their lives due to their extreme sensitivity. They get so affected by their failed relationships that they need years to recover. It truly is mountainous for a BPD to not hurt others because they themselves have been hurt so severely. Hurt people hurt people. But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t capable of not hurting others. In fact, many refuse to hurt other people, which is why they become so disillusioned. They can’t take how everyone around them is so willing to hurt other people or use them. Some of them become the perpetrators because they are just so hurt. Most of the time it is completely unconscious, or they don’t mean to do it or want to do it.
BPD is not truly a mental illness. It is not truly a “disorder”. It is simply severe reactionary behavior to extreme trauma. It is a form of PTSD. It is my stance that the root cause, being the trauma, has to be healed, in order to stop the behaviors. This is why I do shadow work. This is why I’m devoting my life to spreading awareness of shadow work.